Wendy is back to share some of her wisdom! Below are some questions and answers! Have a question you want answered! Email it to me and I will pass it onto Wendy for you!
Hi Wendy,
Getting my 3 1/2 yr old dressed is torture. It is a battle! It’s not just from pjs to clothes, its clothes to pjs, it’s getting our coat on, its everything. I have tried letting him pick his clothes out, I have also given him two choices of shirts, two choices of pants, etc. I understand this is a control battle, most things are with my precious middle child, but I do not know what to do. I am at a loss, and I struggle with the fact that I spend so much time with him that I don't feel like I give my other two even close to the amount of attention.
Can you please help with my daily struggle?
Thank you,
Kelly
Mother of three little guys!
It’s All About Control!
We all have a need for control in our lives, even little people need to feel in control. And here’s the deal, they will fight us every step of the way to get the control that they need. How do we avoid that battle for control? Love and Logic® has some great ideas about how to share control with kids on our terms. The best way to share control with a preschool age child is choices. What parents need to realize about choices is this: give lots and lots of little choices when things are going smoothly. Choices are not a great tool for the heat of the moment or when you are in a rush!
Sit down and make a list of lots of little choices that you can give your child. Think about using some fun choices and make sure each choice only affects the child, no one else! Then use those choices to give your child the feeling of control! But remember this golden rule, never give a choice that you don’t like. The child is sure to pick to the one you don’t want! And if the child can’t choose on their own, be prepared to choose for them. Now I know you are thinking, what do I do if my child comes up with his own choice? Just calmly say, “What were the choices?” Repeat that line as necessary, even if you sound like a broken record!
So for your three year old son I would recommend that you give him lots and lots of little choices all day long. And not just choices about things that are a struggle, give him choices about everything! Do you want to wear your coat or carry it? Do you want to go to school with your clothes on your body or in a bag? Do you want juice or milk? Do you want to watch Dora or Diego? Do you want to brush your teeth or put on pajamas first? The list of silly little choices is endless and you’ll find that kids actually have fun with this technique. Now, what if your son doesn’t want to wear or carry his coat? How do you handle that? Be prepared to choose for him and follow through by setting a limit quickly. Once he sees that you mean business and are willing to make that choice for him I think you’ll begin to see some positive changes! Experiment a little and have some fun with it but be sure to practice first and begin to implement it on a day when you are feeling ‘on your game’!
For more information on raising children with Love and Logic® I recommend my four week workshop, Becoming a Love and Logic Parent®, Early Childhood. Go to www.charlotteparentingsolutions.com for more information.
My sixth & seventh graders just got home from school and as is customary, they made themselves an afterschool snack. It happened to be a roast beef sandwich. Neither of them bothered to put it up and it ended up in my very hungry dog's mouth...all 1/2 lb of it...$10 worth!! When I confronted the two I got "He had it out last!" and "I took what I wanted and left it on the counter. I didn't know she would jump up and get it off the counter!" <sigh> What is the appropriate response? Yes, I am mad because they are both old enough to realize that type of temptation is just too much, even for our mostly well-behaved dog!!
HELP! What do I do?
Rhonda
Mother of three teenagers!
Wow! You have a lot of teenagers in one house, no wonder you are looking for answers! First and foremost I am so glad that you have happened onto Love and Logic®. The wonderful thing about this parenting philosophy is that it is based on building both positive self-concept in children as well as building happy, life-long relationships between parent and child. It’s a philosophy that you can really feel good about. And, Love and Logic® is also practical because it provides you with a tried and true script and lots of different tools and techniques to work with.
But the magic question for you is, does it teach us how to raise responsible teenagers? Absolutely! First and foremost, get rid of your anger and frustration! Love and Logic® says: Anger and Frustration Feed Misbehavior. Kids literally feed off of our anger.
So what do we do instead? Start by using empathy, followed by consequences. Empathy is super-easy and extremely important. All you have to say is ‘Oh’, with a sad disappointed demeanor, no sarcasm Mom! Follow that up with a natural consequence. Well kids it looks like you each owe me five bucks. You can pay me by dinner-time tonight, thanks. You don’t owe them an explanation, in fact less is more. The kids know exactly what their infraction was!
Now I know what you are thinking. My kids are going to freak out. Well of course they are! That’s their job and they are well-trained individuals. Here is where you want to stick with a famous Love and Logic one-liner, ‘I love you too much to argue’. Keep your cool and repeat that line two or three times with genuine empathy. If the kids keep coming at you, change your location and let them know that they can come and find you when they’ve got something fun to discuss.
Just experiment with empathy & natural consequences when you are having an energetic day! And I know you are thinking that those kids will never pay up. Well, we have ways…stay tuned to Macaroni Kid for more on creative ways to get kids to follow through with their consequences!
For more information on raising teens & tweens with Love and Logic® I recommend my four-week workshop for Teens & Tweens. Go to www.charlotteparentingsolutions.com for more information.
Upcoming Class information
Becoming a Love and Logic Parent®, Early ChildhoodTuesdays: May 3, 10, 17 & 24Times: 9:30-11:30 AM OR 7:00-9:00 PM Held at the Levine-Sklut Library on the Campus of the Jewish Community CenterCost is $85For more information visit www.charlotteparentingsolutions.com
Love and Logic® Refresher ClassBring your Love and Logic® Questions & get in gear for Summer Vacation! For families who have completed a Love and Logic workshop or private sessions. Monday, May 2nd 7:00-8:30 PMORFriday, May 6th 9:30-11:00 AM
